I can safely say that my life has often felt like an over-complicated, endless game of Hide and Seek. "Where and who am I? Ah - here I am!...Oh, nope, I thought I'd found me...". What I ended up discovering instead was a sobering yet enlightening truth: we are and should be constantly evolving as we learn, not about who we are and have been, but whom we'd ultimately like to be.

 

Is it really possible to 'just be positive' or manifest your dream life? If so, why isn't everyone doing it? This question niggled at me as I began to notice a familiar, unwelcome pattern emerging, looking back and taking stock of my life so far. Experiences and people changed along the way but I stayed the same; I viewed everything through my me-tinted glasses, perceiving situations, actions and words into my own unique version of events. This often morphed into incessant anxiety and inner turmoil.

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It wasn't until I landed my first job, fresh out of university and shaking like a leaf at every wind of "what if?", that I hit rock bottom. I'd dragged my insecurities and their friends along for the ride and I was burnt out from a life-time of excessive rumination with nothing left to give. I had to prove that I was worthy of employment and it was no surprise, then, that I crashed and burned into my own snake-pit of neuroses.

 

Self-help books became my crutch, although never fully read and digested despite piling up on the side. Despite this, their promise of new beginnings ran through my veins as I encountered more of life's knock-backs. It wasn't until I was 31 that I started taking this journey seriously, and literally. I was soon to become a mother and alongside desires such as learning to be a better cook for my offspring, was my worry of passing on my anxiety and limiting beliefs.

 

Where am I now, you ask? My 40th birthday is just around the corner and I am still very much on my journey of 'me', 'myself' and 'I', and what it means for 'us', the family and friends in my life. Motherhood and life have thrown more challenges my way than I ever could have imagined and old ghosts have come back to shake the new belief systems I've attempted to build. 

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My quest: To share and learn as I go and ask even the smallest of questions that matter to me.

 

I am human. I laugh, I cry, I do and say the wrong things and I never listen to my own advice long enough for it to stick. But guess what?

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                                                                                  I am not giving up. Cue, That Click.